i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
