dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
