my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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