so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
