whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
