my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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