Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
