If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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