I puked a lego.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
