I accidentally had phone sex last night
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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