You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
