do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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