adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
