we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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