Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
