She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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