I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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