No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
