life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
