You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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