It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
