I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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