kristin has been a bad kristin
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
