He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
