he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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