I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Buhtt sex?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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