I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
