god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
