i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize