put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
