Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize