im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
