She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
