She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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