Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
