I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
