Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
