can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
