I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
