Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
