You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize