So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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