id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
