At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
