I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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