I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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