High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
