Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
