Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
