just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
