grandma shit on top of the toilet
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
