my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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