I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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