you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Congratulations! We have a period
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
