chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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