i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
