Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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