I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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