i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
