i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
