you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
