well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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