OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
zippers are such a cool invention
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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